No good title comes to mind.

It just feels like I'm going through the motions of life these days. I don't like it. I can be happy, be joyful and thankful for friends and such and what I'm able to do. I can bitch and complain about work and stuff as well. Thing is, when I lay down to sleep, I know that I'm still hollow inside, still incomplete. This has been going on for quite some time now, years in fact. I've been feeling like this since before I knew of some people, before I got into my present "situation". I'm tired of it.. I really am. I feel so completely exhausted by it most of the time. I can't even get up the gumption to be angry about it anymore. Who knows, maybe I was meant to be lonely for my years. It's a sad though, but one that keeps poppin in more frequently as time does its' slow march. I really think I was meant for something better than this, meant to be happier.... but through my own actions I seem to have sabotaged that plan and this is the price I pay. I can blame all of the cosmic forces or what-have-you, but in the end, I know it's all been up to me and how I've handled my life. The only thing that really keeps me going anymore is the sick fascination of wanting to know what other curveballs will be thrown in my path and some kind of glimmer of hope that things will get better (as slim as that looks at this point). I'm just at a loss for what to do anymore.