I had thought things were looking up the last week or so. I wasn't feeling down or anything. However, during last night at work all this emotional turmoil crap just broke free and came flooding back into the forefront of my mind. I don't know why it did. All I do know is that I really don't like it. I'm sick of feeling sad and depressed. I'm sick of how things are just going for me in general. Every time I try to change, try to get better or try to lift myself up, the universe seems to smack me down again, harder than the last time. I have a fairly steely kind of resolve and I know that I'll pull through, but sometimes it just seems to be too much. Sometimes it feels like the odds are really stacked against me, like I'm not meant to have what I really want. I feel that my resolve is so fractured right now that any day it's going to break. It's being assaulted from both the outside events in life and internally from some of these feelings that I can't let out. It's like I'm lost, and while I can hear people calling to me in the right direction, this thick forest keeps tricking me into going everywhere except for where I want to be.
I just don't know anymore. I'm hurt, scared of myself in a way, angry, and just a whole slew of other things that I can't properly express. I know I'm a good person, I just wish the universe would realize that and quit treating me like a punching bag.
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