No really good title.

I'm really hoping that I can get the job that I'm interviewing for on Tuesday. As far as I hear from my brother and my friend Kitchen whom already work there, getting an interview is 90% of the hiring process anyways. I know I shouldn't take that to heart, but I really need something to be optimistic about. A new job at a higher rate of pay would be a great step in the right direction for me. It would help me out with a lot of issues that I'm having.
The only other one would be woman related.
As I put on here quite a bit, I've been feeling lonely for a long time. Again, I know I have family and friends, and I'm grateful for that. They help abate the feeling to a degree. I just feel the need to be able to connect to a person on more than just a family or friend level. As stupid as it sounds, I want to feel "love". I was at that point long ago, and I was extremely happy, like anything else that happened could be taken in stride and dealt with accordingly and efficiently. After that ended, it took me a long while to even get back into normal mode. It's just that I really don't feel "whole". I feel that something completely great and wonderful is missing in my life and it literally hurts that it's not there to be found. Something inside just keeps rattling my cage to get out and be free, but I lack the key, it's in someone else's possession. As much as I try to quiet and placate the noise with whatever I can find, it only makes it grow louder.
Recently, that thing inside was able to escape one cage, to roam around a little bit. It had seemed there were good things instore, like it had found a place where it could be free to move, to explore and maybe even shop for a little starting place of its own until it was sure of the neighborhood... But then it just discovered thicker bars and a different cage in that world, that everything it was seeing was just a hollow illusion. It started howling like mad and caused an overload that was getting to the point of a critical mass explosion. Had the job news not come along when it did, I don't want to think how that explosion would have manifested.
It just hurts a lot that I cannot find what I'm looking for. It hurts like nothing else. I'm angry, resentful, and jealous of others that have what I don't have. I'm sick of it. I want the pain to stop, I want that thing inside to be able to be free and re-integrate itself where it belongs. I feel like a failure in that department, like I'm stopped at every turn by some outside force who's determined to keep me miserable by keeping things from happening before they even get half a chance to try things out. I really want this wretched pain to stop,